Expectation 'v' Reality

14-01-13

Expectation versus Reality......

It's a tough mental dilemma to face, when the reality of a situation is the anthesis of ones expectation....

I know at the outset of this journey education was my soul focus, and as the time wore on I began and my knowledge began to grow I became to realise that there are other areas of equally maybe greater importance that I might be able to help....

The reality I've been faced with since my arrival, is one that has caused me many many hours of contemplation and self questioning.  Those of you who know me well, will know that my solution to thinking is walking...... So its walking I've been doing.

The question I've asked myself repeatedly and have done since almost the first day I arrived, is

"How much of a benefit can one person be, when faced with a system so opposed to change?"  (Kenyan education system)   And the answer I keep coming back to, is a resounding None!

And in all honesty, why should they want me?, Why should I be viewed as anything more than an extra set of hands?
Is this not their country, their children, their future...?  And though I may not agree with the system and the way things are being done in school, does that give me the right to expect change? Of course not!

So I need to do is ask myself some serious questions;
1 - How badly do I want to help?
2 - Who do I want to help?
3 - How do I want to help?

I set out with the view of this trip to be a fact finding mission, and it hasn't disappointed me, though its raised as many questions for me as its answered.  Some questions I may not be able to answer until I have my "home sweet home" head back on.

The more people I talk to, the more I begin to realise the reasons for mazungu being here seem to fall into distinct categories.  It appears to me, as a newbie looking in, that developing countries and NGO's (non-government organisations) are a breeding ground for escape.  Many here are running away, or maybe just hiding (from reality mostly), whilst some seem to be here trying to forget, then there are those just fulfilling a burning desire to help, many are just here to live a party lifestyle and some are just passing through....

What category do I fall into? "Burning desire" I think, I'm certainly not running or hiding, or partying and I'm most definitely headed back where I came from, so I'm not passing through.

In true Jacq fashion, I've asked a lot of questions, I've made observations, and I'm certainly going to be doing a lot of research upon my return.

What am I going to do?
How am I going to help?
Will I return?

I don't have any of those answers yet, but Kenya I don't think you've seen the last of me.

Asante sana